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| Time: | 11:58 pm. |
| Music: | Westside Connection -- Gangsta Nation. |
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Well, I'm here. I've been here, actually. This is the first time that I've visited LiveJournal since my ... let's see ... my last entry, in fact. Anyway, I doubt anybody still reads this. They probably think this is a dead journal by now. Last entry? April? Oh goodness.
I think I want to join RLT again. Actually, I think I want to RP again. The whole time restrictions is somewhat pulling me away from that idea, though. I don't know. I'll give it some time.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, April 8th, 2004
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Things aren't going to work out the way I would have liked.
So now I know what I have to do.
I'm going to disappear.
It's happened once. It'll happen again.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | Blergh. |
| Time: | 12:30 am. |
| Mood: |  jealous. | | Music: | Liz Phair — Why can't I?. |
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Somehow I figured this entry was going to come sooner or later. I hate finding things about myself that I either failed to realize sooner, or refused to acknowledge.
Ugh. It makes me feel ... pathetic.
You can't help who you love, you're not supposed to. At least, that's what I think. If it happens, it ... happens. But there are always things that come in the way ... circumstances, and sometimes it's ... PEOPLE. ::kills self::
Maybe I'm ... what's that word that's never been in my vocabulary when it comes to boys? Oh yeah, jealous. ::kills self twice::
I'm hoping it's something I'll get over. I don't want to become ... a crazed bitch. Well, a bitch I already am, it's a proven fact. Crazed? Hopefully not.
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I'm still alive and breathing, and kicking, too. Lol. California is absolutely WONDERFUL. I'm watching the NCAA Championship Game. Poor GA Tech, they're getting raped by UConn. AH WELL! UConn men and women are gonna win, anyway.
The person I'm staying with here in So Cal has been great. I've been a lot of places, seen a lot of faces ... ah hell, I've even ... lol. Um, yeah, Rodeo Drive = awesome. Shopping = great. Weather = great. Beaches = great.
... I plan on staying in this state. I don't want to go back there. Lol. I'm gonna become a runaway.
So exciting.
The Kings are the best. They're my favorite. And wow, GA Tech did a really nice dunk right now. ^_^; They're still getting raped.
I <3 you, you know who you are. Can I be your "down ass chick" ? e.e;
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So, anyway, today was kind of weird. I've just been tired a lot. I haven't been sleeping well. Um, anyway, my trip is coming soon. I'm leaving tomorrow and won't be back for a week. I'm bringing my laptop, so ... yeah, I'll be on AOL sometimes, but not a lot.
I think I'm a selfish person.
Sometimes I think that I'm always looking out for me. I forget to stop and realize that I'm not the only person in the world, and that there's 2 billion other people on the planet.
I'm going to become a better person. It's not because I have to, it's because I truly and utterly want to.
I want to bring smiles to people's faces, and make people laugh. I ... like to make people laugh.
I wanna bedazzle people with all my knowledge of sports and fashion. Lol. If you look at me, you don't see a Sports Chick, but a Louis Vuitton chick. Hah. I like it when I surprise people.
I want to make someone experience heaven someday.
I ... want a lot of things, basically.
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Thursday, March 25th, 2004
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Kinna tired. Will be sleeping soon. Just thought of doing a little update. So, tonight was fun, lol. I had some good laughs. I'm not ... at school right now. I'm away from there. Spring break ends soon. I was supposed to go Cancun of Acupulco or somewhere there, but because of what happened -- I'm here.
S'okay, though, first week of April, I'll be going to LA for, like, five days, and then I'm flying to SF 'cause I'm moving there in the Summer, and ... then I'll be back here again.
Ugh, so many things to do, so little time.
DefiantIy [1:40 AM]: It's like looking at her face everytime I unzip my pants.
To devote myself [1:40 AM]: Yeah. When I'm on my knees, unzipping you, I don't want to rest my eyes on a one-eyed-****. I want to see that one-eyed monster of yours.
DefiantIy [1:40 AM]: ... <3.
He cracks me up. <3.
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Wednesday, March 17th, 2004
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Well, it's time for an update. It seems as if time has just not been on my side, and whenever it is -- I'm, like, really tired and all that jazz. ::sobs:: Anyway, I'm coming back to RLT and stuff like that next week.
BUT ... the problem lies here : I'm leaving the first week of April to visit someone. >
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Wednesday, March 10th, 2004
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Wow, two days in a row I'm writing in this, well, that's always good. Anyway, I'm going to LA the first week of April, which is going to be the fucking bomb-diggity. Then, I'm flying up to San Francisco for a few days, then coming back here.
I think it'll be good for me, to spend some time away from Portland and all that jazz. So, you know. Hehe.
Life's been better. It really has. I've been doing some thinking by myself, and I'm beginning to see the goodness in certain things. Not everything ... but certain things.
^_____________________^ <333!
That was for you, Clyde. Heh.
"Down to ride 'til the very end, it's me and my boyfriend."
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I demand to know why my last update didn't show up, darnit. Gosh, I spent, like, ten minutes of my life writing out that stuff. But, ah, well, things happen.
Anyway, things have calmed down since the incident. Restraining orders have been issued, my mom (who's also my lawyer) is talking about a possible lawsuit against the guy, and I don't see him on campus anymore. Thank goodness.
Even then, it's still hard to venture out the confines of my room. I don't go out as much as I used to, but it's probably for the better. Truth be told, having no memory of the previous nights because over consumption of alcohol can be scary and stuff.
As for my online life, well, ... honestly, I'm kind of getting used to not being on the internet so much. When I am, it's usually late at night or something. I don't know.
Marroon 5 is a great band, by the way. I've listened to some of their songs, and some of the lyrics describe some events that've happened in m'life.
I think the Models in America's Next Top Model 2 are really pretty, especially the half japanese half caucasian chick, April. She's so fucking pretty, that I wish I was as tall and purdy as her. Hehe. But, I'm fine the way I am. Brush back my platinum blonde strands from m'face, bitch.
I'm feelin' like a pimpcess, so Imma go'n brush m'shoulders off.
In about five months, I'm getting out of here. Out of this college. Out of Portland. Out of Oregon.
California ... knows how to party.
Bay Area, you better prepare for the Rae.
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Friday, February 27th, 2004
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It's not going to be long. I don't really update this crap much anyway.
'Drew got into an accident and was in the hospital. He's okay now. He's in a better place ... in mah bed. I <3 my little gay boy. 'Chelle's doing okay. She was shaken up my 'Drew's accident, but we're still the three stooges, musketeers, or whatever you want to call it. Weird how I'm the only straight one in our little threesome, lmao.
Saw the Passion of the Christ. Man, ... being a Christian and all, ... dude, ... whoa. That was hard for me to watch, and I got very emotional at times. I got some nice back rubs from people around me, though. It was cool. Go see it if you want. Go see it anyway, if you don't. You'll have an opinion of it, either way.
RPing is going good. I was half-tempted to just give it up and resign because of IRL problems. But, I've worked through most of them, and I'm ... doing okay. I'm a tough girl, and I know how to handle drama when it hits me in the face.
RLT is going well, I'd assume. Sanako's pretty much up there now, and there to stay. So, any of you that hate her ... well, haha. She's not going anywhere. And neither am I. So if you hate me, ... ::points:: haha.
I have shit to do tomorrow. So I won't be online that much, but I will for the date auction and the writing of my CR. ::burps:: The Restaurant at which we ate was fabulous. The food was great, and it was just beaucoup classy.
Gonna talk to Dee some more and then, ... watch Will & Grace and crash on my down comforter.
Oh, and America's Next Top Model has some hot chicks. They could almost drop it like its hot as good as me.
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Friday, February 6th, 2004
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FASHION:
1. Do you wear a watch?: Yes.
2. How many coats and jackets do you own?: Er, a lot.
3. Most expensive item of clothing?: Louis Vuitton watch, and luggage.
____________________
YOUR FRIENDS:
1. Do your friends 'know' you?: Two of them.
2. What do they tend to be like?: Queer, lmao. Jk. They're awesome. Understanding. Sarcastic. Humorous. But, they can be really serious, and spiritual and such. :)
3. Are there traits in you that are universally liked?: I don't know. Maybe my honesty and loyalty, or something.
4. How many people do you tell everything?: Two.
____________________
MUSIC, TV, FILM & BOOKS:
1. Favorite band ever?: Linkin Park.
2. Most listened to bands: Linkin Park's the only "band."
3. Can you play an instrument?: Piano, and clarinet.
4. Type of music never listened to?: Country.
5. What type of music do you listen to?: Rap, R&B, Hip Hop, some pop, adult contemporary. A lot of stuff
____________________
GENERAL QUESTIONS:
1. Who is the smartest person alive at the moment?: I don't know. I don't really care. Probably me, but yeah. Jk.
2. What do you prefer, a sunny or rainy day?: I've been having too many rainy days. Give me sun, biotch.
3. Do you consider yourself lucky?: Depends on what you consider lucky.
4. Do you feel pity for people who commit suicide?: Depends on their motive behind it. But, in general, ... suicide is bad. God doesn't appreciate that.
5. Choose one word to describe how you feel most often: Stressed.
____________________
RANDOM:
1. Do you own any plaid clothing?: A few skirts.
2. Do you own converse shoes?: Yes. The old school ones.
3. Do you own saucony shoes?: No.
4. Do you own old school nikes?: Yep.
5. Do you wear tight pants?: Yeah, like, for certain occasions.
6. Is there more than one zipper in your pants?: Usually, no.
7. Do you know what a squatter flap is?: Yeah.
8. Do you own a messenger bag?: Yes.
9. Do you wear your messenger bag across your chest?: Yeah, I think they're cute.
10. Do you have braces?: No.
12. Do you have short, shaggy hair?: Uh, no.
13. Does your hairstyle exceed a height of 3 inches: Mhm.
14. Would you classify your hair as a deadly weapon?: When I get it styled, maybe?
15. Do you think mohawks are "neat"?: Er, no.
16. Is your hair black or red?: None?
17. Do you have a favorite brand of hair dye?: Herbal Essences. o.O;
18. Do you own a bandana?: Yes.
19. Do you wear plugs in your ears?: No.
20. Are you amused by safety pins?: How 'bout ... no?
21. Have you ever used duct tape as a sewing substitute?: Yes. ::ghetto::
22. Do you own one or more objects with studs or spikes? Just one, I think. Like a bracelet.
23. Do you own one or more articles of clothing from dog pile, lip service, or tiger of London: No.
24. Do you enjoy leopard print?: Sometimes.
25. Are you Disgruntled?: Right now? Yeah.
26. Are you an anarchist?: Not really.
27. Does the American flag anger you?: To a certain extent.
28. Are you "working class"?: Er, I don't think so.
29. Do you dislike "preps"?: I am one, kinda.
30. Do you dislike Hot Topic?: No. But I don't really shopt there.
31. Do you smoke cigarettes?: Yeah.
32. Do you smoke cloves?: ...
33. Are you a thin waif?: Kinda.
34. Are you vegan/vegetarian?: No.
35. Do you think meat is murder?: Erm, no.
38. Have you ever gone a week without a shower?: Gross. And no.
39. Have you ever been avoided due to your odor?: I smell pretty. Heh.
40. Do you know who Jack Kerouac is?: No.
41. Do you like Mr. Kerouac?: ?
42. Are you a member of the makeout club?: Okay, what kind of question is this?
43. Do you say "rad"? Do you say, "shut the fuck up" ?
____________________
MORE JUNK:
1. Name: Rae to most people who're reading this.
2. Do you like it?: The pseudonym? I <3 it. I kinda like my real name, too.
3. Nick-names: Rae, Raerae, Hot Rae, Sexy Rae, lol.
4. Screen names: To devote myself, formerly Opaiescent Moon
6. Birthday: February 3, 1984
7. Sign: Aquarius.
8. Location: Portland.
10. Status: In a ... rocky relationship.
11. Crush: A guy.
12. Virgin?: No.
13. Natural hair color: Dirty blonde.
14. Current hair color: Dirty / lightish blonde.
15. Eye color: Green.
16. Height: 5’6"
17. Birthplace: Somewhere out there.
18. Shoe size: 6.5
____________________
FAVORITES:
1. Number: 7
2. Color: Green.
3. Day: Friday / Saturday / Sunday
4. Month: July
5. Song at the moment: Are you happy now? - Michelle Branch
6. Movie: A lot.
7. Food: Japanese.
8. Band: Linkin Park.
9. Sport: Volleyball, tennis, basketball, football, um, a lot.
10. Class: Multicultural Literature.
11. Teacher: Ms. Loushin, high school p.e. teacher
12. Drink: Vodka chased with Red Bull.
13. Veggie: Broccoli
14. TV station: MTV, Fox, NBC.
15. Radio station: a lot.
16. Store: Louis Vuitton and Dolce & Gabbana
17. Expression: Okay?
18. Animal?: Panda bear.
19. Flower: Orchid.
20. State: California. Hawaii. New York.
21. Country: Canada. France. Australia. Japan. England. Belgium.
__________________
1. Me or you: You.
2. Coke or pepsi: Pepsi.
3. Day or night: Night.
4. AOL or AIM: AOL.
5. CD or cassette: CD.
6. DVD or VHS: DVD.
7. Jeans or khakis: Jeans.
8. Car or truck: Both.
9. Tall or short: Tall.
10. Lunch or dinner: Dinner.
11. *Nsync or BSB?: G-Unit.
12. Gap or Old Navy: Gap.
13. Lipstick or lipgloss: Gloss.
14. Silver or gold: Gold.
15. Alcohol or weed: Alcohol.
____________________
LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS:
1. Do you have a bf/gf? Yes.
2. Do you have a crush?: Yeah.
3. How long have you liked him/her: For awhile now. 6 / 7 months.
4. Why do you like this person?: A lot of things.
5. If you're single, why are you single?: I was almost single.
6. How long was your longest relationship?: 3 years.
7. How long was your shortest relationship?: A few weeks.
8. Who was your first love?: (insert name here) Heh.
9. What do you miss about them?: Their honesty. -_-;
____________________
THE PAST:
1. What is the one thing you would change about your past?: I don't know.
2. What is the biggest mistake you've made in your life? Meh.
4. Last thing you saw?: The clock.
5. Last thing you said: "Kay, 'night."
6. What is the last TV show you saw?: Will & Grace
7.What is the last song you heard?: Before Michelle Branch, ... R.Kelly -- Thoina Thoina or however you spell it.
____________________
WHOS THE LAST PERSON YOU...
1. Saw?: Andrew and Michelle
2. Kissed?: Like, on the cheek or what?
3. Hugged?: Drew and 'Chelle
4. Fought with?: Let's not ... apdfkjaspdf
5. Were on the phone with?: Him.
____________________
THE PRESENT:
1. What are you wearing?: American Eagle dark blasted jeans, Hollister top, Louis Vuitton watch.
2. What are you doing?: Filling this shit out.
3. Who are you talking to? No one.
4. What song are you listening to?: Enough already!
5. Where are you?: Dorm room.
6. Who are you with?: No one.
7. Are you online?: Mhm.
8. How are you feeling?: Muscles still ache. Heartache. A lot.
9. Are you in a chatroom?: No.
____________________
FUTURE:
1. What day is it tomorrow?: Saturday.
2. What are you going to do after this?: Sleep.
3. Who are you going to talk to?: ?
4. Where are you going to go?: My bed.
5. How old will you be when you graduate?: >.< Hopefully, 22. Heh. Most likely not.
6. What do you wanna be?: Anesthesiologist
8. Where will you be in 25 years?: Underground.
____________________
OTHER:
1. Do you write in cursive or print?: Cursive.
2. Are you a lefty or a righty?: Lefty.
3. What is your sexual preference?: Guys. But, I've made out with a couple of girls 'cause I was just too drunk. >.>
4. What piercings do you have?: 1 cartilege. 1 on each ear.
5. Do you drive?: Yes.
6. Do you have glasses or braces?: Contacts.
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| Subject: | Bleh. |
| Time: | 1:08 am. |
| Mood: | numb. | | Music: | Linkin Park - Faint. |
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Ever have one of those days where you look around and all you can say is "Ugh." ? I don't know. Maybe I'm just retarded or something, but yeah. I've been feeling like shit all day. My muscles are really tense, and I'm just so ... out of it. o.O;
Anyway, one of the members that was transferred into the Storm this past week is ... going to be the death of me. Constantly, he keeps IMing me about stuff and all this crap. Ugh. I don't know. I'm just in a pissy mood. Normally, I'd be able to tolerate him, or it, or whatever. But this, ... this is too much. -_-;
I talked to him today, for about two hours. It was weird, though. There were moments where we'd say nothing, and it was just silent for so long. Then I'd just ask a random question and the conversation would pick back up.
I don't know. It's hard talking to him, knowing what happened before and how it has ... changed everything. But, that doesn't mean I'm not going to try and fix it, you know?
I ramble too much.
Classes are so uninteresting nowdays. Multicultural Literature has been okay, but some of my labs can just die. I'm sort of screwed over, because I think I'll have sophomore standing when I move to SF, rather than Junior standing like I would be if I'll be staying here. Eesh. But, I'll have to double check with my counselor.
Drew stepped on 'Chelle's pornstar Dior sunglasses. So she took a fat ass breadstick and shoved it in his mouth and yelled out, "Guys! This breadstick ... could be you! Apply within!" Lmao. I was ... cracking up for, like, hella days. :)
I want to a spa earlier to see if they could relax my muscles a bit, or at least ... make it ... not hurt and stuff. Let's just say that I'm a pussy for pain and I think they made it worse. -_____-; Bah.
Kay, I'm gonna do some reading and head off t'bed. <3.
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Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
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I drove down to Reno today to see him. The drive was ... absolutely fabulous, with Andrew and Michelle with me. Somehow, they always seem to make life a little easier to live. Thank God for them.
He was waiting outside for me (I had called him when I was about ten minutes away) and he had roses, and a shitload of gift bags and such on his porch. The moment I came out of the car ('Chelle and Drew stayed inside), he said that he loved me and happy birthday.
I'm ... pretty emotionally unstable, especially when it comes to boyfriends and such. I couldn't help but cry and the only word that came out of my mouth were "Why?"
That question has yet to be answered. The half ass responses that he gave were that he was stupid, drunk, lonely, stupid again, horny, unsure of his feelings, stupid. I could go on forever.
Things won't be the same, really. But, I really do <3 him, I guess. He made me feel ... complete. He filled that empty void that friends, and family couldn't fill.
Ugh. Speaking of family, there's World War 3 going on back home. I swear, every time inlaws, cousins, uncles, aunts come together under one roof, everyone compares the size of their checkbook, the woman show up their Louis Vuitton hand backs and Christian Dior sunglasses, the toddlers bicker about who has more games, and the teens get stoned and smoke pot in their new escalade.
... Thank God I'm away from them. ::twitch::
Anyway, I'm back now. I couldn't stay longer, otherwise I would have. I'll be going down there for Valentine's ... the entire weekend. So, hopefully, ... just hopefully, things will get better.
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Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004
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I'm really leaving in my car . . . in a couple of hours. ::yawn:: I'm determined to make things work. I can't give up so easily, 'cause then, you know, I'll always wonder, "What if?" ... What if he didn't do what he did? What if I never tried patching things up? And one thing I hate is ... regret.
Thanks to Bre for doing the LL. I <3 the Storm.
Catch ya'll on the flip side.
"Yo, what da hook gon' be? I don't need a fuckin' hook on dis beat. All I need is a track in the back ground, ... "
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| Subject: | :-\ |
| Time: | 10:36 pm. |
| Mood: |  amused. | | Music: | Yin Yang Twins - Shake it like a salt shaker. |
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This said I'm not intellectual, or I lack intellect. That's so not true. Lol, well, maybe it is. ::shrug::
 Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results | Sociability | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Gregariousness | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Assertiveness | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 86% | | Activity Level | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Excitement-Seeking | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 82% | | Enthusiasm | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Extroversion | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 73% | | Trust | ||||||||| | 26% | | Morality | ||| | 10% | | Altruism | |||||||||||| | 38% | | Cooperation | ||| | 10% | | Modesty | ||| | 10% | | Sympathy | ||||||||| | 26% | | Friendliness | |||||| | 20% | | Competence | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Neatness | ||||||||||||||| | 42% | | Dutifulness | ||||||||||||||| | 46% | | Achievement | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 86% | | Self-Discipline | ||||||||||||||| | 46% | | Cautiousness | ||| | 10% | | Orderliness | ||||||||||||||| | 48% | | Anxiety | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 82% | | Anger | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 86% | | Depression | ||||||||||||||| | 46% | | Self-Consciousness | |||||||||||| | 34% | | Impulsiveness | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Vulnerability | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Emotional Stability | |||||||||||| | 36% | | Imagination | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Artistic Interests | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Emotionality | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 86% | | Adventurousness | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Intellect | ||||||||| | 26% | | Liberalism | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Openmindedness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 64% | | Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
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... won the Dawning Light Award. It came from 3rd to 1st. I'm ... somewhat happy. Thanks to all the active Legionnaires that helped us out. This one goes out to all of you.
I talked to him about an hour ago. Things ... aren't looking too hot. I still don't know what to do, though. ::shrugs:: Maybe it just wasn't meant to be? Yet ... I can't stop thinking about him. And the pain he caused. Ugh. But, I'm a tough kid, or so I'm told. I'll get through this. Somehow.
And, now that I fixed up my LJ, ... I'm going to bed. I have an early class tomorrow.
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It's past 12 AM. And ... well ... it's my birthday today.
And I got the best present a girl could ever ask for from her boyfriend.
20 years. Damn, I'm getting old.
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Monday, February 2nd, 2004
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You're a bastard, and I hate you.
Are the "three words" used to freely nowadays that it doesn't mean anything to you?
I love you means that ... you love me, obviously.
It doesn't mean that you stick your fucking dick in another chick's pussy, you jackass.
And to think I was going to spend the Valentine weekend with you.
Go to hell.
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Thursday, December 11th, 2003
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| Subject: | Hmm. |
| Time: | 9:58 pm. |
| Mood: |  awake. | | Music: | Angie Martinez feat. Lil Mo - If I can go. |
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The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
Iono why I did this. But, some of it is true. o.o;
Yyyyyyyyyyyyeah.
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
moonlitserenade's journal
excited.
contemplative.
tired.
good.
anxious.
accomplished.
infuriated.